Monday, March 10, 2008

The Swimmer

Congratulations are due to tv funnyman David Walliams on the completion of his swim from Bognor Regis (UK) to Bondi Beach (Australia).

The swim, which took 60 weeks non-stop, is the greatest feat of human endurance in history.

Walliams set off from Butlins Holiday Park, Bognor Regis, in January 2007. He was accompanied on his journey by Round-The-World Yachtswoman Dame Ellen MacArthur who sailed alongside the courageous comedian, occasionally throwing bottles of water and healthy freshly caught sild into his path.

Walliams, who has now raised £30 billion for Sport Relief, was in good spirits as he crawled onto Bondi's famous golden sands.

When asked what he missed most during his time in the ocean, he winked and said "a nice cup of tea".

He was immediately mobbed by several be-thonged young ladies.


  1. Ladies? Or Laydeez?

  2. Is it true that he greased himself with fat siphoned from his comedy partner's arse?

  3. MJ - Bondi Beach is packed with young ladies and gentlemen with their pants crammed up their arse cracks. Laydeez go to more specialised beaches.

    Tim - He shits pure comedy lard.

  4. Hmm. Walliams. Yeah, he can go on my list as well. The big twat.

  5. I can't bear to look!

  6. I think you made this up Geoff.

    I bet you couldn't make this up though.

  7. Violet - Yes, big twat sums him up.

    Kaz - Don't look, Ethel!

    Murph - Thanks for that. It must have taken him all of five minutes to write. But I console myself in Russell Brand's column in the Guardian.

  8. I had to look up sild?
    "A young herring other than a sprat that is processed as a sardine in Norway"...huh...
    I wouldn't have known what a sprat was either.

    So then what the hell is Nowegian Wood?

  9. Sild is on our supermarket shelves.

    It never seems to leave them.