Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Whatever Happened To The Melody Maker?

The young man on the train in the seat behind me is talking to a friend on his mobile phone. He's just quit one band and is looking to form another. He's not sure about rehearsal space as his musical partner is lukewarm about using his own place. What they really need is some new blood, a couple of musicians they can blend with (preferably with premises to practise in).

"I bought a Loot last week," he says.

"Blimey, that's different," his friend presumably replies.

"It's no different from the others. It's crap."

"Why did you buy a crap lute? Didn't you try it out in the shop?"

"I just paid for it and took it home."

"You didn't try it out? You wouldn't buy a guitar without playing it. Or a mandolin. Why a lute?"

"No, a Loot. The paper. I was looking for musicians. It was crap. There were only two heavy metal guitarists looking for bands and two bands who said they had recording contracts lined up looking for keyboard players."

"So you're not turning into Sting, then?"

"I wouldn't mind a lute, actually."


  1. Anonymous9:31 PM

    Lutes? I'm more of a tamboura man myself - or ukuleles.

  2. Lute players can earn good money. The orchestras call them in if there's a lute part. It's usually a few lines and they get paid the same as all the others.

    You didn't really want to know that did you?

  3. Don't believe a word of it. Anyone who says they want a lute is a lyre!

  4. Do you think there’s much call for manualists?

  5. Billy - Ukelele? Turned out nice again, hasn't it?

    Kaz - For mash get Smash. For loot get a lute.

    Frumps - Now you're stringing me along.

    MJ - I prefer the jug as a musical instrument. A pair of jugs are even better!

  6. The future is theremins

  7. The best way to turn into Sting is to be driving a large truck.

  8. It looks like the wise money is on keyboard players getting the gigs.
    Banana hands at the ready.

  9. Anonymous5:10 PM

    That's lovely.

    I always think oboe players can't want for work. Loads of idiots learn the violin and guitar, but you don't see many oboists on the school bus.

    Wasn't Melody Maker replaced by Craigslist or something?

  10. Tim - A copy of Loot in the year 2020 will be full of theremin players looking for bands.

    Murph - Police, Camera, Action!

    Istvanski - I wonder who these bands cite as influences? Toploader?

    Bob - I can't think of any bands who've had full-time oboe players. Seasick Steve was once an oboe, though.

  11. I used to buy Melody Maker before I realised I was going to be a professional footballer, not a pop star.

  12. I was the other way round.

  13. Not a mandolin?

    You bought a mandarin? Not a satsuma?