Friday, December 29, 2006

The Sweets That Last

She must be ninety soon. We could ask her but she knows so little English and she has so little opportunity for conversation.

She's just had one cataract operated on. They're due to do the other one in a couple of months.

The routine is, we ring her door number, she answers the intercom and is supposed to let us in. But she still doesn't know she has to push the button, after ten years living there. We are let in by the staff.

She greets us at the door and we are welcomed by a small plate of fruit each, a small orange and some grapes.

Today, accompanying the fruit, are about ten Werther's Originals.

We could ask her where they're from but she knows so little English.

In the kitchen are two large family-sized packs of Werther's Originals. I deduce they are Christmas gifts from the Care Home's petty cash. I may be wrong, maybe she's developed a taste for Werther's Originals recently. Maybe her neighbours have introduced themselves by offering her a sweet or two.

They last, do Werther's Originals. Twenty of them could keep you going all day. You wouldn't need more than one meal a day for minimum sustenance. Just suck on these little buttery toffees all day and you wouldn't feel the need to communicate with anyone. Your days would just fly.


  1. I start them with good intentions then I just have to crunch them. I'm amazed that my sweet tooth has finally disappeared although I'm a bit partial to Julian Graves' jelly babies.

  2. I've never had a sweet tooth though you wouldn't think so when you see all my fillings. I don't know what I'm going to do in my eighties.

    Julian Graves sounds like a luvvie. How did he get involved in the confectionary business? Was Sir Larry partial to pear drops? Did Sir John crave a bonbon to cure his stagefright?

  3. That sounds quite like my Xmas. Except with three different types of Xmas cake rather than the Werthers. Which is better.

  4. Geoff, he's got really nice curried nuts.

    Julian Graves

  5. Spin - I didn't know there were three types of Christmas cake. Fanny Craddock did two types the other night...a dark one and a light one. She had a foolproof way of icing them.

    Richard - That should please Sir Ian.

  6. Anonymous10:30 AM

    Sweet and creamy and uncommonly good.

    Remember that advert with the James Harries-like child genius sitting on his Grandad's "knee" ?

    Oh, fucking creepy.

  7. I seem to remember it was a very American style happy family scene.

    Fitting right in with the BUPA ads, etc. Lovely.

    p.s. I may be gone for some time as Orange seem to have another outage.

  8. I quite like Werthers Originals but I can't bring myself to buy them. I'm not that much of a young fogey.

  9. Anonymous5:47 PM

    They actually contain a secret people preservative which is being unofficially trialed by the drug Companies. MI6 are aware of this and have despatched a special force to stop them getting into the hands of Noel Edmonds.

  10. Anonymous8:45 PM

    No-one actually buys Werthers but somehow they are always just there, spooky.

  11. Billy - Maybe you can stand outside the sweet shop and ask any old fogies going in to buy some for you.

    Murph - it's no good. Edmonds is on our screens till his beard goes white. I think he dyes it anyway.

    Realdoc - They're like rats. You're never more than ten feet from a Werthers.