Thursday, May 22, 2008

Blue Flag. Up Arse. Stick.

If I were John Terry tonight, picking up a copy of the London Lite, I'd be so embarrassed I wouldn't know where to turn.

"He cried all night - Chelsea skipper inconsolable" screams the headline.

I'd be thinking to myself, "Why do I always behave like a spoilt child? Everyone knows a real man cries when he wins, not when he loses."

If I were John Terry today, I'd also be hanging my head in shame. Not for missing a penalty, but for my disgusting unprovoked spit at one of modern football's great players, Carlos Tevez. I'd be worried that Fabio Capello saw my act and won't pick me for England ever again.

The London Lite has got its knickers in a twist about the amount of potential money squandered by Chelsea's inability to win the Champions League.

£5m in prize money
£30m in commercial spin-offs and merchandising
£20m in media rights and sponsorship
£10m in increased tourism for London

Excuse me? Increased tourism for London? Who in their right mind is going to visit London just because one of its football teams won a match? I can see the logic of some idiots visiting London because of the Royal Family's presence (though nowhere near as many idiots as is claimed), but a football team?

What utter bullshit.


  1. Well, I'm planning to go to Manchester now.

    Don't Chelsea have pretty much infinite money anyway? Why would they want more?

  2. I'm no lover of Manchester United or any of the bloated Premiership corporations, but I laughed my socks off.

    Terry was embarrassing, a complete failure as a captain. To think he filled the same job as Billy Wright and Bobby Moore. You can't imagine either of them snivelling for hours just because they didn't win a cup.

    And this may be just me, but Lampard's 'by the way, my mum's dead' routine is getting a little tiresome.

    No dignity, no class - that's Chelsea.

  3. The extra visitors would be deterred by having to wade knee deep through a sea of discarded London Lites.

  4. It was nice of Drogba to show that he didn't want to be at the match (judging by his behaviour at the game).

    As for the "Increased tourism for London" thing - yeah, maybe not. But I can see loads of Chinese kids going out and buying blue Samsung mobile replica tops to wear after Terry's heroic girlie crying.

  5. Obviously they'll all come to Manchester now.
    After all - we've got the Royle Family.

  6. Billy - I think London's got enough tourists, too.

    Malc - You can just imagine Terry being lauded for being in touch with his feelings. The trouble is, those feelings are self-centred and infantile. Lampard looking up to the sky, milking his mother's death really freaks me out. He is seriously fucked up.

    Murph - Yes, but at least the ink doesn't come off on your hands, unlike the other evening freebie. We religiously put ours out for recycling. Whether it does get recycled is another matter.

    Istvanski - I wonder if there's a culture where a grown man behaving like a spoilt three year old is held up as a force for good in the world? Oh yes, there is. We're living in it.

    Kaz - With the extra revenue generated by all those people visiting Old Trafford and therefore The Lowry Centre you'll be able to build your own palace to house one of the lesser Royals. One of Anne's sprogs, maybe.