Sunday, May 11, 2008

Sweet Smell Of A Successful Relationship

We're talking about relationships, wondering what people's home lives are like and saying how we both thought we'd never find someone we could live with - soppy bollocks like that.

"But you can get too comfortable with someone," says Betty.

"How?" I say.

"There was this woman I used to work with. One day she said how comfortable her and her husband were in each other's company. So comfortable that when she took a bath, he often came into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and had a shit."

"Christ, that's disgusting," I say. "Did he purposely wait till she was in the bath?"

"I don't think so. He used to put a towel over his head while he did it. So he could concentrate on what he was doing."

"How could she say that in the office?"

"The strange thing was, the other women in the office didn't bat an eyelid. They were completely indifferent."

"Maybe that's the norm. Maybe we're not as close as we thought."

19 comments:

  1. Let’s just hope he doesn’t spend too long on the toilet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pooping and bathing are personal things in which I might read a paper, drink a can of beer etc. I don't want people to see that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That was encouraging. I now know that when I come to visit you this summer (only for six or eight weeks, alas, and organic vegan food only, thank you) my privacy will be observed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think that couple were just going through the motions together.

    (and didn't you mean to type "soapy bollocks"?)

    ReplyDelete
  5. That's not 'close' it's just disgusting.

    ReplyDelete
  6. MJ - She just couldn't take his leaving the toilet seat up any longer.

    Billy - I think the towel should be over the head of the person in the bath.

    Vicus - We've got the soya milk in. There's not much room though. I hope you don't mind sleeping in the bath. We'll get a chemical toilet put in the garden.

    Murph - They'd been married some time. They weren't in the first flush of their relationship.

    Kaz - Just imagine being told that at relationship counselling. "Have you tried...?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ha ha - towel over the head - that's so funny. We do have wee's in front of each other but himwhosnoreslikeabison's poo's are far too smelly for me to endure whilst in the bath - I would asphyxiate or drown or both. I got amoebic dysentary in my early 20's while travelling around Turkey with a friend and had to poo in front of so many people I didn't know in so many terrible places I am consequently a bit hardened to it all now. Nothing much shocks me anymore. The worst was on a ferry crossing Lake Van - the loo was a bucket in the middle of the deck with a blanket to wrap around yourself while availing yourself of the wonderful facilities. Horrendous and hilarious all at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  8. A girl I met when I was backpacking broke up with her ex-boyfriend while she was brushing her teeth and he was having a shit.

    "Do you fancy me now," he joked (as, apparently they were wont to do in such circumstances).

    "No!" she suddenly realised, running out of the bathroom. And that was the end of that.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Christ that's awful. Even the ferry 'cross the Mersey wasn't that bad.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Spin - And they say romance is dead.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ..and the splitting up is bad enough. But what about all the paper work afterwards?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes, but once a marriage is on the skids, it's best to put the lid on it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My Word, how ghastly...
    so pedestrian and lower class.
    That is a definite deal breaker and instant grounds for Divorce.

    Please don't give MJ any new ideas for her Freaks N' Friday Photos!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Maybe it's cos I am a farmer - shittin doesn't faze me!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Donn - I think MJ would stop short at those kind of bodily functions. God, I hope so.

    Tom - Don't you think sheep would go in a cubicle to crap if they had the choice?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Too busy rifling through my bodily functions photo files to comment right now.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Please, not the coprophilia pics!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Only time will tell.

    ReplyDelete
  19. So long as the person I'm with doesn't walk in when I'm having sex, that's fine.

    Ooooooodadjoke.

    ReplyDelete