Sunday, May 18, 2008


Betty says I have a reputation of being a bit of a Little Englander so I should mention what happened in Sainsbury's yesterday.

I was apoplectic with rage.

We were unloading our basket at the checkout, at the end of the conveyor belt. There was one person being served in front of us.

I looked up and from the checkout next to us, came a man and woman. At the front of OUR conveyor belt, they unloaded one basket. They then placed the divider on the belt. They then unloaded ANOTHER basket. And placed another divider on the belt. They didn't look back at us, at me looking daggers, apoplectic with rage. APOPLECTIC WITH RAGE.

The woman had a badge stuck to her jeans. "Open University" it said. What the fuck kind of education is it that promotes pushing in queues?


  1. I would have asked them what the f*8k they thought they were doing! I can't stand queue-dodging - makes me seethe.

  2. Ooh, I can tell you're APOPLECTIC - you're using lots of UPPERCASE LETTERS!

    Just don't tell us it was the '9 items or less' checkout. Otherwise I'm going to get REALLY ANGRY!!

  3. It's obviously not a full-blown case of apoplexy as you didn't use any exclamation marks.

  4. I am APOPLECTIC with rage and exclamations marks (!!!!!) just thinking about it.

  5. Well, isn't that just typical of the Open University? And I bet she couldn't spell APOPLECTIC. You get a more civilised sort of person in Morrisons. (I refuse to mention the T*s*o word in polite society.)

    But I do admire your restraint, the hallmark of an English gentleman. Besides, guts don't make very efficient garters, I find.

  6. Is Geoff's restraint typical of the famous British "stiff upper lip"?

  7. Romo - I was seething but I couldn't bring myself to challenge them.

    Frumps - There isn't a 9 items or less checkout in this supermarket. If that was the case I think I would have spontaneously combusted.

    MJ - I am trying to restrain myself here!

    Kaz - I know. Everyone I've told feels the same.

    Christopher - The trouble with your typical Sainsbury's shopper is that they fall between two stools. There's your ASDA/Morrisons stool. Then there's your Waitrose stool. They think they're too good for one but know they're not good enough for the other. An English gentleman has neither an inferiority nor a superiority complex. The same rules apply wherever he shops.

    MJ - It got us through two world wars and countless more minor traumas.

  8. I've heard it helps if, when Brits are upset, you offer them a nice cuppa tea.

    Would you like a nice cuppa tea?

  9. Arabella3:27 PM

    Next time, try a little passive aggression:
    " Oh, you must be in a hurry, with your baby tied to a bicycle post outside next to your Pit Bull. Would you like to go first?"

  10. Applauds Arabella

    Now that I am making a conscious effort to overcome my ingrained Passive Aggressive Nature I find it so rewarding to say what I feel to strangers who are complete f*cking twats..

    I would have just pushed all of their shit back to the end of the conveyor and rallied the collective indignation of the other mature shoppers patiently waiting in line who would have 'lost it' and mercilessly stabbed them to death with bananas and tampons.

    ((Tarzan Yodel))
    *pounds chest

  11. "Excuse me, the back of the quque is this way."

    BBut let's face it, how many of us actually say something and how many of us just grumble, if possible loud enough to be overheard by the offenders.

  12. MJ - A nice cuppa tea would be just what the doctor ordered.

    Arabella - That sounds suicidal to me.

    Donn - You Tarzan, me timid Jane.

    Llewtrah - It's not worth the aggravation. I get more annoyed at people who are rude to the checkout workers.

  13. I once accidentally pushed in front of an old lady in a supermarket queue. I only knew because I heard this strange tutting sound behind me.

    I apologised and let her go first even though I had just a pint of milk and some cheese and a couple of jars and tins and she had loads. Did she thank me? Did she heckers like.

    So I got my revenge in the pettiest way possible. I put my things on the conveyer belt thing without putting a separator between her stuff and mine.

    She glared at me but I pretended to be finding something in the middle distance fascinating.

    Eventually she cracked and put one of the dividers down herself.


  14. Ha ha Billy that's so funny. Supermarket belt wars - I have moved someone elses really annoyingly placed separator up so it is all squashed against their shopping with pure spite because they had previously hogged the belt and I nearly broke my arm with the basket waiting for them to stop being so bloody selfish!

  15. Converyer Belt Separators are the new Cutlasses in the Battle for The British Aisles!

  16. MJ - *!*

    Billy - Our couple may have just not noticed us, but I doubt it. Unless they were so loved up they wouldn't notice a murder three feet from them. It's always good to get one over on a grouchy old lady. The pettier the better.

    Romo - We pride ourselves on getting on and off the conveyor belt as quickly and as efficiently as possible. I only piss people off by paying with luncheon vouchers once every fourth week. And it's not my fault my firm are living in the 70s.

    Murph - We shall fight them by the (tinned) peaches!

  17. But apart from all that, how are you? I'm concerned for your health (I had to look up the word "APOPLECTIC" and I'm shocked at what it meant in relation to the incident you experienced).

    1. a sudden, usually marked loss of bodily function due to rupture or occlusion of a blood vessel.
    2. a hemorrhage into an organ cavity or tissue.

    So you either nearly had a stroke or you nearly shat yourself with rage, yes?

    Perhaps I'm missing something here...

  18. One took my mind off the other and I took control of myself.