Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Brain Food

From today's Metro...

The Mediterranean diet may be good for the brain as well as the body. Eating the way people do in southern Italy can help reduce the risk of an elderly person's mental decline turning into Alzheimer's disease.

High consumption of white bread, ham, cheese, pizza, tiramisu and ice cream, plenty of strong coffee and forty cigarettes a day could cut the risk of developing the ailment by half, according to researchers at New York's Columbia University Medical Centre.

"Well, fuck me," said sufferer Arthur Grinley, 87 from Haywards Heath. "If I'd known about this fifty years ago I wouldn't have been a bleedin' brown ricer for most of me adult life."


  1. Brown-ricer sounds like some sort of odd sexual practice.


  2. I always take dietary advice from the Metro, together with my political opinions.

  3. Southern Italy? I take it blood feuds, corruption and torture are all life-enhancing practices, then?

  4. You'll be able to switch to the KGB Evening Paper soon.

  5. But according to the research Arthur should have Alzheimer's by now - so he probably only thought he's been eating brown rice.

  6. Billy - It does. And it's good for you.

    Vicus - There was a letter in yesterday which praised the lack of a political stance in The Metro. And Gordon Brown's ordered all his ministers to read the letters in the Metro to see what the country's thinking.

    Tim - Fresh fish, vegetables, fruit and olive oil is known locally as "gangster food".

    Rog - It'll be bloody Chelsea all over the sports pages.

    Kaz - And Haywards Heath is where he got off the train. He's probably from Lancing.

  7. To be fair, them fellers in the Muditaranian ain't got much too remember anyway.

    Hell all they do is eat, nap, and make little Muditaranians.
    Lazy basturds.

  8. We need to find out what Donn eats.

    He's been awarded "Canadian With The Most Smarts".

  9. Bass - I think it's time for a siesta.

    MJ - It's all that maple syrup. It's as good for the brain as omega 3.