Sunday, February 01, 2009

The Lederhosen Ones

Maidstone's finest, Chicory Tip are the Christmas regulars at the village hall my mum and stepdad occasionally frequent. On Saturday, though, it was the turn of a "German" oompah band.

One of my dad's favourite old phrases was "Oompah! Oompah! Stick it up your joompah!" Which is what I'd say if I were invited to such an event.

The oompah night started off well with cold meats and apple strudel for afters, but degenerated into audience participation and the wearing of silly hats. Six people on my mum's table were really getting into it, loudly banging their licked-clean spoons in time with the music, downing the brandy and cokes like there was no tomorrow.


  1. Let’s begin with Chicory Tip…

    How would you describe that hairdo? A feather mullet?

    Now moving along to the oompah band…

    You and Betty need to become more sociable and join in.

    Grab your lederhosen and dirndl. It’s polka time!

  2. Did anyone get on the tables and start dancing? And was there thigh-slapping?

  3. I picture you having too much to drink, taking the stage and performing an impromptu tuba solo.

  4. That's what England would have been like if Jerry won the war.

  5. For a short while in the 80s I played drums in an oom-pah band, the sole civilian in an otherwise RAF line-up. Your evocation couldn't be more exact, except that well on into the evening our conductor used to disappear into the audience, select the prettiest girl and lure her towards to the stage on the promise of getting to conduct the band. As she climbed the steps I was required to break into the drum riff that opens The Stripper. Ho ho. We never played Maidstone, though. I think Fraserburgh was the furthest south we ever came.

    In my various travels in Germany I must have missed the Morris dancing, Tim.

  6. MJ - It's a feather cut from Dawn's Unisex Hair Salon in Maidstone. Dawn created the first mullet in Kent, though. All me and Betty want is an invite!

    Billy - I'd like to think so. But I think spoons was about as far as it went.

    Rog - Moroder had trouble with English back then. He wasn't the disco king we grew to love. Was that video taken at the Kent coast? Looks gorgeous, doesn't it?

    MJ - The only tuba I'm likely to handle is a tuba Smarties.

    Tim - At least the trains would have been running today! I'm stuck at home because of half an inch of snow!

    Christopher - There should be more oompah bands the length and breadth of the British Isles. And James Last tribute bands with charismatic bearded leaders. Morris dancing is responsible for us being such a violent nation.

  7. That bloke in Chicory Tip dances like his father. And he's obviously had far too much apple strudel.
    Have you gone to work yet?

  8. I don't think the Tip have been outside Kent for the past 30 years yet they still make a good living at caravan sites and weddings.

    We've just been to the town centre and a lot of the shops are shut. The staff in Sainsbury's were spreading the rumour that WH Smiths was to close at 2 p.m. There are no buses or trains and I'm buggered if I'm going to drive into London as only one person out of the thirty of us has got in. It's still snowing and not looking good for tomorrow.

  9. I have quite enough stuck up my jumper...

    I have heard reports that parts of Kent are under 6ft of snow... but my Mum does sometimes exaggerate.

  10. That's the old Spinal Tap 6ft.

  11. do you get to drink pints out of a mug with a lid on (steiners?) at these dos? I've always wanted to do that. Yesterday it was fun having the day off but today I know the work is building up and there's only so many snowmen you want to build really.

  12. I quite fancy that. And being served by buxom German women with blonde pigtails!

  13. Would your mum's village hall like to book the KNOB* for their next Teutonic jamboree? Very reasonable rates. They were a triumph in Seville.

    *Kurt Nachtnebel Oompah Band

  14. They've already booked Die Lederhosen Three so I'm afraid KNOB's out.