Friday, September 01, 2006

Radio Times (Part The One)

There is background to my days. There is traffic noise, human noise, and radio noise.

The traffic noise is fine. The human noise is OK, I mean I'm not working with annoying children or screaming babies.

Then there's the radio noise. The radio is tuned to either Heart or Capital. Two seriously shit radio stations, both aimed at women in offices. Luckily, I am able to concentrate on my work and my mind registers the stuff as background musak. As if there is a tiny James Morrison or James Blunt singing into a tiny microphone which plugs into a tiny amplifier, all of whom and which I could crush with a gentle stamp of my delicate foot.

So it doesn't bother me that much.

But of course now and then I have to say something, for I am an arbiter of good taste and I feel I have a duty to impart some of my vast knowledge of popular music and thereby improve the lives of my fellow human beings.

"If you were at home every day, and you didn't have access to a radio, you surely wouldn't play the same few CDs over and over again, day after day, the same songs every day, day after day, over and over again, every day, the same songs by the same artists, day after day, the same songs every day for every day of the year. Would you?"

"I've probably got about five CDs that I play at home."

"I've been listening to Elton John at home these past couple of weeks. Going through his late sixties to mid seventies albums. When I've finished with them, I probably won't listen to him for about a year. Except for Are You Ready For Love? and Step Into Christmas which they play on Heart over and over and over again."

"I can't stand Elton John."


  1. Believe me, Geoff, People do. I might be a bigger fan than most of a couple of artists but there's no way I can listen exclusively to just them.

    Heart = Radio Hucknall. I had this theory that one only had to listen to Heart for no longer than half an hour before something by Simply Red came on.

  2. I worked in a factory once. The radio played 'I'm With You' by Avril Lavigne and 'Beautiful' by Christina Aguilera EVERY SINGLE HOUR OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.

    If I had to listen to Heart of Capitol I would probably kill someone.

  3. Geoff - Sorry, but I'M the arbiter of good taste. And don't you forget it.
    OO the mouse roared!

  4. Richard - They've moved on from Hucknall and Wet Wet Wet. It's more modern and hip now - Corinne Bailey Ray, Paulo Nuttini, the James boys I've already mentioned, Keane...Jesus Christ, bring back the Huckster.

    Spin - Yes, I must have heard Beautiful about a million times. It didn't get any better.

    Kaz - I'm not arguing with a roaring mouse. Squeak squeak.

  5. Ah, Geoff the thing is Heart is national now and out here in the provinces all local radio is much the same. Commercial stations play bollocks* and all the time and the BBC up to about 9pm when they all they play until 10 is Jethro Tull. Which, to be honest, isn't a bad thing.Is David Rodigan still on Capital and does Richard Digance still do his show in the middle of the night? Ahem, 1981 - it was actually good back then (except for little Pricky Horne).

    *I like Travis though. Sorry. Don't ask me why because I couldn't explain.

  6. I didn't realise that it was a cover when The Wedding Present did Step Into Christmas.

    It was quite a relief to hear the original.

  7. Richard - I went to the Gala Opening Nite of Capital Radio: Rick Wakeman live at Wembley Whateveritwascalled. We saw Dickie Attenborough alight from his posh car (didn't see any thigh). I used to listen to Rodigan and yes, Horne, headphones on in the corner of the living-room where the Music Centre was situated. Don't knock Nicky, I wouldn't have heard Darkness on the Edge of Town if it wasn't for him. Or The Motors. I went to see him dj at T's niteclub in Erith, all by myself. A Finnish sailor started talking to me and suggested we approach a couple of hot chicks. We all had a dance to Smoke on The Water then I made my excuses as the last bus was due. They were probably gagging for me to go so they could get down to their threesome.

    Spin - I never knew the original was Elton John till I heard it for the 40th time and asked somebody who it was. Betty can't believe a man of my age could not know it was Elton John.

  8. I used to live above a guy who played the same 3 tunes on his guitar night after night after night.

    And my friend lived next door to someone who played the same guitar solo night after night after night... loudly.

  9. Sorry Geoff, I just can't stand the man. Is Ts still there?

  10. When I hit middle aged I'm going to become a taxi driver and astonish everyone by not playing Heart or Capital in my taxi.

    Capital Gold maybe?

  11. I never could stand listening to the radio all day. I'd end up shooting people if I worked somewhere with Heart FM on all the time. Last time I listened to Radio 1 with any regularity, they were playing "Sir Duke" by Stevie Wonder every hour on the hour. That would have been 1976, then.

    I used to love Radio Caroline, though. Mainly because it was ooh illegal and that. They had a strict policy of album tracks only, and they played some decent stuff, including things that lasted longer than 5 minutes. Personal Top 30s on Friday and Saturday nights were very good, especially if you happened to be the kind of person who rarely went out on Friday and Saturday nights. They all ended up with "Stairway to Heaven" at #1, though.

    I'm unfamiliar with the works of Elton John. Could never get past those chubby fingers.

  12. MJ - Are we back to Smoke On The Water again? I could play that. And Wild Thing.

    Richard - Looks like T's is now known as Club Extreme (according to the ChavTowns website). Last time I was in T's - 25 years ago - I got extemely ill. I think even the bouncers were concerned for me. I don't really like Horney.

    Billy - And David 'Kid' Jensen will still be a young blonde lovely.

    Rob - I missed out on Caroline. Elton and Stevie Wonder were both making some cracking albums around the same time. Just a shame they didn't retire before all the crap.

  13. Disturbingly, I know all the lyrics to both.

  14. Hey MJ! Let's form a band!

  15. I can play Wild Thing, too.

    I used to play Space Invaders with some Caroline jocks in a pub in Chatham. You weren't meant to know it was them because they could have got arrested for being ashore. Crazeee. Loving Awareness. Yeah. I also went to the Caroline Roadshow at the Stour Centre in Ashford once. Believe it or not, it's just taken me over 26 years to work this out - the support act was The Pirates. Mick Green's ones and they were brilliant.

  16. If I was a proper blogger I should really find a nice Pirates You Tube video.

    Nope, none there. Pirates of the Caribbean, oh yes.

  17. Step Into Christmas is all well and good, but it's not A Spaceman Came A Calling by Chris De Burghm, is it? Is it? Really?


  18. Not in the same league, Del.