Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Life Is A Three Ring Circus

Sunday was the day for the annual church service to celebrate the life of Grimaldi, one of the greatest clowns of all time, if not the greatest.

Separately, clowns and church services give me the willies. Together, they'd be overwhelmingly creepy.

Seeing pictures of the service makes me wonder which songs would be suitable for funerals attended by clowns.

Maybe the following...

Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson for a service attended by a clown who is burying a dear one.

Cathy's Clown by the Everley Brothers for the service of a clown whose next of kin is named Cathy.

You won't find another fool like me by The New Seekers for the service of a clown who thought he was the best thing since sliced bread (or since Grimaldi). "I wanna tell ya, You won't find another clown like me babe, No you won't."

Clowntime is Over by Elvis Costello for the service of several clown colleagues who died in a tragic circus van pile up on the M1.

The vicar would wear a flower which would spurt water into the faces of the mourners as they shook hands to thank him for the service.


  1. "Death of a Clown" by the Kinks.

    The old fortune teller lies dead on the floor
    Nobody needs fortunes told anymore
    The trainer of insects is crouched on his knees
    And frantically looking for runaway fleas

    Lets all drink to the death of a clown
    So wont someone help me to break up this crown
    Lets all drink to the death of a clown
    Lets all drink to the death of a clown

    The vicar asks the mourners to sit down for a moment of silence and the sound of dozens of whoopee cushions fills the room.

  2. Is it the make-up and 'feeling obliged' that makes clowns so annoying? Being presented with one of those faces is almost an order to "LAFF!" and even as a child that would make me want to do just the opposite.

    I once wandered into a church service to bless animals in North Beach, San Francisco. Creatures everywhere, being miraculously herded and calmed by Franciscan brothers - sweet!

    Have a feeling that the brother of Ray Davies (that must be a boring job) sang the above?....

  3. Theatre of the embarrassed.

    "Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me" by Alice Cooper.

    (Inspired by Bart Simpson, apparently)

  4. Clowns to the left of me
    Jokers to the right
    Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...
    ..and having a panic attack..

  5. Would the hearse comically fall to pieces, clown car style? I'd enjoy that. And the clown pall bearers should feign dropping the coffin, tipping it this way and that, until eventually the lid falls open and a spray of silver confetti showers the mourners.

  6. MJ - I forgot that one. Though I hope there'd be no drinking in church! Let's get to the pub first.

    Arabella - I've never smiled at a clown let alone laughed. Animals in church is more like it. They would be a calming influence on me. That was Dave Davies on Death Of A Clown. He sang it too, in between rucking with Ray.

    Murph - Alice has left school but he still can't sleep? Maybe he needs to take up a relaxing hobby like golf.

    Kaz - I'd rather have my ear sliced off than have to sit surrounded by creepy clowns.

    Doris - That sounds almost as farcical as a funeral we went to a few years ago.

  7. Arabella - He WROTE it too.

  8. "Send in the Clowns" by Judy Collins as the pallbearers are summoned.

  9. Anonymous10:40 PM

    Did they all arrive in the same car?

  10. MJ - Making my entrance with my usual flares. (Old Betty joke).

    Wyndham - Yes. They drove up to the font then all piled out.