Friday, February 22, 2008

Much Ado About Nothing

As part of my job I am responsible for making sure the switchboard is always staffed. Due to staff reductions recently I have had to call upon temps, something I hadn’t done for ten years or so. How times have changed!

In the 90s, a temporary telephonist was more often than not an Australian on a year’s stay in London. Now it seems she is more likely to be British. Not just British, but a well-spoken between-jobs British actress.

Three times in the past few weeks I’ve been telling various actresses about the play wot I wrote and I’m getting tired of it. It was, after all, 16 years ago now and it’s a bit pathetic to keep harking on about something that got one derogatory review in the Ham & High.

I think I get on well with actors though I’d like to know what they’re thinking about me. In my experience they’re always really friendly, but you never know what kind of egomaniac is lurking beneath the mask.

I’ve decided I won’t mention my silly little play to the next one I meet. I’ll just talk about them, what kind of theatre they prefer, whether they’ve been on the telly, whether they write as well as act...

...what they think of Darius Danesh.


  1. Are you not tempted to put on your Scorcese costume, and tell them how you want the role of telephonist to be played? Make references to Meryl Streep in Kramer v Kramer or Edith Evans as the nurse in R&J.
    Give them a statuette when they leave, and insist that they make a speech thanking the production crew.

  2. This is your big opportunity to set up a casting couch.

  3. Vicus - I don't want them to get too involved. They might start asking "what's my motivation?"

    MJ - I'm not that kind of director! Besides, I've never fancied any of the actresses I've met. Traffic wardens though, now you're talking!

  4. Danesh played Sky Masterson!?
    Well then, you need to sing..
    Luck Be A Lady!

    "Hey Tempy did you know that I'm a Playwright?,
    Might get a part, wouldn't that be nice!
    A Tempy doesn't wander all over the room,
    My casting couch over there is really nice.

    So let's keep your audition poliiiite,
    Did I mention that I'm a Playwriiight?
    Stick with me Tempy
    I'm the Svengali you came in with,
    Luck be my Tempy tonight!"

  5. I think you'll find the line "So you're into hot thespian action?" is worth a try next time.

  6. Homey - All the gals can sing. Maybe I can do a medley of songs from Grease with them. "It's electrifying!"

    Murph - "Have you tried the Stanislavski method?"

  7. So - have you got short fat hairy legs??

  8. Two out of those three. I'm always getting overtaken on the way to the train station by mere slips of girls.

    My hair's all my own though.

  9. What the world thinks about Darius Danesh is almost worthy of a blog in itself..

  10. I'm not the man for the job. I just can't expend any more energy on Darius.